October 5 was the last day I posted… I am not sure what has kept me from blogging. I have had so many moments in the past four months when I wanted too and even needed to just simply sit and write my thoughts. I guess I just couldn’t find the words.
Where do I find myself these days… you can find me in my home feeding and nurturing my children, cleaning and cooking, reading and researching and writing papers. I can also be found in my church, playing and singing again for worship. Other than church, Wal-Mart, Sam’s Club and the local Food Lion I spend A LOT of time in my home. Even though my girls go to school, unfortunately the temperament of my two boys does not allow me to go out. ever. This results in me feeling incredibly disconnected from the world. So, about five months ago I finally took the step to go back to school. I began my course study at Grand Canyon University to complete a masters of science in Professional Counseling. After the first couple weeks of my first class… WHAT WAS I THINKING?! I couldn’t even respond to a simple discussion question. Something had happened to my brain since attending IWU for my undergraduate degree. BUT, now that I am one day away from finishing my second course, I am so thankful I persevered through it! I am now enjoying every minute of the reading, researching, and having to forfeit naps to complete assignments. I love that I am pursuing a passion that God placed in me a long time ago. I love that in the next couple of years I will be the first female in my immediate family to have obtained a master’s degree. God has specifically carved out this time for me to complete my degree. I do not know what God’s plan is but I am preparing myself for whatever is in store.
I plan on blogging more… specifically for the purpose of exploring what it means to be a Christian professional counselor and what that means for me as a wife and mama! Just another part of my beautiful journey!
Just needed to add this picture of my boy who turned 2!!!
Every day is a battle with my almost 2-year-old. We knew from the moment we took him home he was going not going be an easy child. The crying as soon as we put him in the car seat was a sure sign of things to come. Here we are almost two years later and he still cries when we put him in his car seat. Joel probably cries more than he laughs. Maybe not… the crying is just much louder. He does the opposite of everything we ask of him even if it means something fun. Like in the picture above… I fought and fought with him about not sitting in the water because it was freezing! I gave up and just let him get in! Let’s just say after about 10 minutes he was cold and throwing a fit. He hates to hold your hand, hates to sit in a grocery cart and just has to have control of whatever situation. He hates going to the church nursery but loves to be at church any other day but Sunday. His tantrums have physically hurt me on more than one occasion and the crying during is quite intense. Wherever we go he picks one direction and just walks! He picks a path and simply takes off without simply looking back. So, I can’t go to the grocery store or the library or some days even the playground if I am not accompanied by my “rescuer” (aka my husband). It is just too difficult and mostly embarrassing. Although I did find that if I provide him with a ton of lollipops I can get some shopping done!
BUT then there is another side to this mostly discontented child! His infectious smile and laugh. Yes, there are moments in my day when he is the funniest and most loving little boy. I have learned to simply stop what I am doing and immediately enjoy the “happy” Joel.
I know it won’t always be this way and we are just in a rough season of life. Praying for an abundance of patience and grace!
That time of year again! Fall… Autumn… foliage… clocks changing back… longer nights… yummy smells coming from the kitchen… electric blankets… snuggling in front of the fireplace… Today was the first time in a LONG time that my whole family played and got dirty outside. The weather was perfect! We all got to put on long sleeves and pants which is the first time in a long time and headed out the door. Joel wandered around getting really dirty while Cora, Abby and Micah pushed each other on the tire swing and made silly videos. Tony and I just puttered around the yard mowing, cutting a tree stump down, and cleaning up the flower beds. It was so wonderful to hear the leaves crunching under our feet! I love this time of year!
Especially since I know what is around the corner… lots of special memories made our families for the holidays! This year I intend to savor every moment of time spent with friends and family.
So this is the time of the day I can either be extremely productive or extremely lazy. I know I am not alone as I write this post. All of my “home-maker” (by the way I do not like that term) friends with little ones can sympathize with me on this. Some mornings I am not sure what happens between my alarm waking me up at 6:30 and 11:30 (that is when Joel, who I have nicknamed “the beast” goes down for a nap). Time just flies and is not sensitive to the “to do” list I have mentally written down.
Except! For today… this morning was productive. Even in the midst of tantrums and such I was able to feel like I can do this stay at home thing with out tons of frustration. I acted on a silly thought I had! What if I simply eliminated the tantrum and went on with what I was doing… The “tantrum” by the way is Joel. Joel is the strongest willed child I have ever known! For the past six months we have been so frustrated with parenting him. So here was my thought! When he starts simply pick him up without using any words and put him in his room and shut the door! No reasoning, no punishing, and no yelling (did I actually just admit I yell???). When he is done screaming and being physically confrontational then I quietly open his door and greet him with a hug and bring him back downstairs.
It worked… (we did have to do it several times) I am praying that he will begin to understand that the screaming, hitting, biting, and throwing himself just isn’t acceptable in this family. I will not allow him to disrupt the rest of the family! Ask me in a week if it is still working?
It occurred to me this morning as I was feeding and dressing the boys, cleaning from a weekend away, making a grocery list, drinking my 2nd cup of coffee, starting laundry, and trying to grasp what needs to be done today… that the steady rain I hear in the background of my “business” is the same as the steadiness of God’s pursuit of my heart and mind. I sat down to check my e-mail for the 3rd time this morning and was hit with that sound coming from my open windows. It takes just a moment of listening to that beautiful and gentle sound of a soft rain to remind you to take a breathe. Take a breathe from the sadness in your heart for your family who is grieving the loss of Matteo. Take a breathe from the frustration of disobedient and unpleasant children. Take a breathe from the overwhelming stress that usually robs you of the joy God wants you to experience. Even through all of this I know God continues to pursue… I know this because of a simple steady rain.
I was going to sit down this morning and jot down the “going on’s” of our move and what has been happening. But here I sit at 8:27 pm and have yet to create that post. Today was a full day of deep emotions. It was so strange to go through my day like nothing was different when I know that 390 miles from me, my family is dealing with the loss of such a precious baby. Through my every day routine “stuff” my heart was so broken for my cousins Mike and Karen.
I will never pretend to understand what God allows in our lives. I have been surrounded by friends who have had to endure so much pain. I have experienced life changing events that left me with so many questions. These events and losses leave our hearts so wounded and damaged. Losing a child is something I hope I never have to experience. Mike and Karen lost a precious part of their family. Matteo was such a blessing! I am so sad I never had the chance to look in his eyes and tell him how much we all loved him. I could literally feel their love for him just looking at their photos. Pictures of kisses between mommy and daddy and Matteo… holding his beautiful and perfect body… and most importantly I saw two people that truly loved each other.
The one thing that has always lifted my weary spirit is the hope I have in Jesus Christ. I will ALWAYS hold on to the truth that He is my savior and no matter what life brings He is there to hold me and remind me of His love. I will cry and question and be angry that my family is hurting so bad… but I know that Jesus is there listening…
Life is so precious! I will continue to pray for the whole Schiavone family… That God will be their comfort and refuge when their days are so dark…
I decided to switch blog templates because wordpress is just easier to use. We have been blogging since… 2005? not sure though. I spent the afternoon just trying to set it up and have wanted to make sure the blog title was important. I love the italian language and when I saw the translation for “beautiful journey” I knew it was perfect. Because that is what my family is… bellissimo viaggio! The only reason I can claim our journey to be beautiful is because God is my creator and the creator of this family. I know for a fact that HE does not mess anything up.
Every journey is different! So this is where I am going to share my thoughts on life and everything that includes… my family, my new found business (which you will here lots about) my new city… and most importantly my FAITH…
Still trying to figure this all out…